For months I have been going through Radical with our BFC and talking about how are lives need to be different than those of the world. Christians need and are called to be different. Bottom line! I sat there (and I already have asked for forgiveness for this) thinking, "you got to be kidding me. I have been going over this stuff for months." I was just sitting there trying not to look to righteous, you know sitting there like I was paying attention and twirling my pen that I was so eagerly waiting to take notes with, and then all of a sudden he said it.
I quickly perked up and asked myself did I just hear what I thought I heard? Did he just mention something that has been on my heart and mind for the last two weeks? All of a sudden he mentioned it again, and it was confirmed. He did mention it. His message was about walking wisely and then it he started talking about becoming Luke-warm and then he mentioned it...First Love! He mentioned that a reason people become Luke-warm and they do not look different than the world is that they have lost their first love.
I thought that was so cool! WHY? Well not only was I given study materials that spoke to this very topic, but I have been haunted by this very scenario for a very long time. When I got saved, just like you, Jesus radically changed my life. I was going to church 3 times a week, going to Bible study twice a week, Life Change University courses, and got involved in the recreation ministry coaching kids and sharing bible lessons with them at practice. Everywhere you turned you were bound to see me. Nothing was more important than church and Jesus during this time.
One Sunday morning during the meet and greet portion of the service, one of the guys I shook hands with made a statement to me that has stayed with me ever since. I can't remember what made him say it, but this is what he said to me, and it was centered towards my enthusiasm for Christ. He said, "Give it 10 years."
You see, the reason this is very real for me at this point in time and how this is all working in my life right now, is that I get this material that talks about losing our first love, and then the message tonight brings up the same exact phrase "Losing Your First Love", and most importantly the fact that in just four days, February 20, 2011 will mark the 9th year of my salvation. (Almost 10 years)
I mention this because I am having my own battle with my first love. I don't necessarily believe I have lost my first love, but I am definitely having severe communication issues at the moment. On one hand the statement that guy made 9 years ago has driven me so far to strive not to lose the love I have for Jesus Christ and what He has done for me, on the other hand I feel isolated because of what God has done in my life and the things I have witnessed in ministry including the good and the bad. Being on staff at a church, there are just somethings you deal with and don't tell anyone about even other pastors, even if those things are done to you and said about you and your family. You can never talk of these things because you don't want to affect the church or belief and walk of new and growing Christians. Over a period of time, this could possibly make you luke-warm, couldn't it?
It is very difficult for me to be writing this,as I mentioned it is hard to talk about anything. Pastors and leadership look at you and think you may not be as sound as they thought and not worthy to lead or for them to place stock in you. Others including friends and supporters may think you have lost it and it's not wise to donate to your ministry especially after hearing that there have been thoughts of leaving it. There will be people that support our ministry and are very gracious, and possibly look at my comments and think that it is not a wise choice to be giving to this ministry. You can easily see why it is a two-edged sword talking about things like this.
I have been wrestling with the perception that everything I have tried to accomplish for the Lord has failed. I have been wrestling with the thought of leaving the ministry, asking someone else to teach the Bible study I lead, and possibly walking away from church and church activities altogether. Like me, I am sure others also wrestle with being the spiritual leader of the family, being able to provide for their family. You might have a child or children looking to you to put an exclamation point on everthing you are teaching them. "Train up a Child in the way they should go." These things if left unchecked could fester into major concerns. It has been a rough year emotionally and physically for me. Hopefully everyone who knows me can say that I have always tried to keep Christ in the front of everything, but has it just been satan beating me up and taking his tole? Has it been God correcting His child? Have I become Luke-warm and lost my first love?
Right now I am investigating the answers to these questions, and I am expectant that the answers will be laid out in this time of writing and reading.
I will be leading you (if you so choose to follow me) through some great discussions and suggestions about "Why Do We Lose Our First Love?"
- Is it because of disobedience? No, because we can obey God and still not have the excitement of that "first love."
- Is it because of not reading the Word? No, even the Pharisees read and studied the Word.
- Is it because of not praying? No, we can pray and still be spiritually cold.
- Is it because of not witnessing? No, it is possible to witness and still be aware of a dullness in our soul.
The Underlying Cause Of Losing Our First Love Is Losing Our Sense Of Needing God
Our need for God is the very motivation that brings us to salvation. This is what brought that father, mother, and daughter to salvation. Once God begins to meet our needs, however, we tend to forget that we have them. We become rich and increased with goods and feel that we have need of nothing. Then we lose our first love. Revelation 3:17
Thanks for tuning into Part I, but it's late and I have to be up at 5am. I'm brand new to this, but follow my blog and get the next part of this exciting journey. Part II should be out tomorrow night sometime.
In Part II we will discuss:
- God's examples to us
- How we lose our sense of need
- How things become Gods, and possibly
- The twelve evidences that we have lost our "First Love" for the Lord
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